I am so stressed that I feel that my heart is going to  pop out of my chest and I am s anxious all the time that I don't want to go out of my house. I am still forcing myself to do this but it's hard. It's just all so scary, leaving uni and not knowing whats coming next....I hate uncertainty it makes me feel ill.

Yesterday I handed in my final 2 essays....and I knew it was serious when I didn't feel any relief....I got into my car and I cried and i cried all the way driving back to Leic. Then I couldn't stop, so Mark took me to the doctors, and I was shaking and crying and my heart was racing.

I don't get it though, I only have my dissertation to do now and I know what im doing with it, it is just the thought of going to an interview and getting a job that pays enough to pay this new mortgage and then moving house (which I am really really happy about) but im also really scared and it just all feels like to much. I wish I could be normal and deal with this without getting ill but I can feel im having a mini breakdown. I have stopped eating and feel shaky.

The doc has put me on Diazepam which I am very scared about and haven't taken any yet. I don't think this is good :-(.

This seems to happen to me whenever I feel a little to overwhelmed....what is wrong with me? I mean surely I have dealt with so much b4 so surely i should be used to it by now right?

It REALLY fucks me off!!